For the past week I have been reading several blogs regarding addiction. There is one specific blog I have been indulging in.. An Addict In My Son's Bedroom, by Dad and Mom. Tonight I finally finished reading the entire blog, 4 years of writings, but very worth my time. Many things I can relate too, but something I read yesterday seemed to jump out and quite honestly make me jealous.
Alex loves his sisters and their families. He asks about them and if they will be there when we invite him and his family over. When we say no they won't be here there is a sorrowful, "Oh". When we say yes you can hear the excitement in his response, "Good".
Even though I have never met this family and they don't even know I exist, I feel like I know them. I have read the entire blog, from beginning to end, each entry, each failure, and success. So, I am happy for them. Happy that their son, Alex, is clean and moving forward. Happy for the parents, sisters, and the rest of their family. However, a part of me, okay a huge part of me is jealous.
My younger sister is an addict. She was active in her addiction until a few weeks ago when she was admitted to the hospital, but more about that later. The point of this post is that I'm jealous of the relationship Alex now has with his sisters. I wish my sister and I could have, well, any kind of relationship. We are in the stage of hate and anger. She hates me and I am so angry with her.
I have tried to visit my sister in the hospital, but I am only welcomed with dirty looks, being ignored, and any responses I do get are just nasty and hurtful words. The first night, after returning from the hospital, Mom received a text message from my sister "Come back tomorrow alone or don't come at all!"
My sister has opened up to almost everyone. I have heard her speak of two people she wishes she was close with again and misses the relationship and closeness they once had. Neither of these people were me. I am her older sister. I am her ONLY BLOOD SISTER. I feel like we have missed so much, because of her addiction. I'm not sure what I have done wrong to piss her off. If anyone should be upset it should be me and I am.
Maybe one day we will have a normal sister relationship.