The Unknown

My emotions and nerves are all over the place. Today is the day. The day my sister is being discharged from the hospital and returns home. She is coming home just for the weekend. Mom told her that she would have to find a different place to stay, since she was not opened to recovery and getting help. I'm not sure when she is going to be here.. could be with in the next hour or even a couple more hours. Either way I'm not excited or looking forward to this.

I am nervous, because I am not sure what is going to happen. I am fearing the unknown. For the past few years none of us have had a relationship, due to her addiction. There is more yelling, screaming, and arguing than actual talking or family time. So, I am just not sure what to expect. This weekend could go well.. us spending time as a family, talking a little, and creating a plan to help her. However, and more likely, things will be no different.. yelling, screaming, arguing or just plain silence. I guess only time will tell.

I have mixed emotions. I want my sister to get help. I want to have a relationship with my sister. I want to see her treat Mom better. So, yes I feel bad having Mom kick her out and Dad not letting her come back to his home. However, as I have said so many times, she is an adult and she makes her own choices. If she chooses to do drugs than she has to live with the consequences that comes with that. Also, I don't want to live in fear of having my stuff stolen or being hurt by my sister, emotionally and physically. I don't want to see her hurt our mother, watch and hear Mom cry night after night. We have to do what is best for us- be happy and grateful for what we do have and not allow ourselves to be wrapped up in her chaotic life and what is best for her- let her make her own choices, live the life she wants, and live with the consequences. Than just be there for her when she is ready to accept help from us and others.

I'm not sure what else to say. I am hoping for the best, but trying to prepare for the worst. I am nervously waiting for her to come home and anxiously waiting for the weekend to be over.